Yes, that’s right – thanks to the Tories, people can look forward to a shorter life than their parents.

It’s all part of the plan to make the UK fairer.

Unfortunately for all of us, by “fairer” the Tories mean “prettier” – for them, because they won’t have so many ugly old poor people to look at in the future.

Meanwhile, they’ll be able to use all the latest, expensive, medical techniques to extend their lives as far as they can.

Welcome to the new geritocracy.

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