The Boring Osborne Drinking GamE (BODGE)

Get it down you: George Osborne's trying to be 'one of the boys' in this photo, but you'll need a stiff drink when you hear what he has in store for the country (even if it is only likely to last one month)!

Get it down you: George Osborne’s trying to be ‘one of the boys’ in this photo, but you’ll need a stiff drink when you hear what he has in store for the country (even if it is only likely to last one month)!

Today, for one day only, Vox Political will be extolling the virtues of alcohol. Yes, Gideon will be announcing the much-fought-over results of his spending review negotiations with other government departments and, here at Vox Towers, we think you’ll need an anaesthetic to get through them.

What you need to do is get hold of the ‘anaethetic’ of your choice. Bear in mind that Chancellors of the Exchequer are known for drinking their way through their own budget statements, with the anaesthetic of their choice (Ken Clarke liked whisky) so this is entirely permissible.

Pour some into a glass, and listen to the speech, starting at 12.30pm or thereabouts.

Any mention of Coalition achievements is worth ONE FINGER. Osborne is probably going to trot out the usual list – more than a million new jobs (not true), spending on the NHS protected (not true) and so on. You’ll know them when you hear them. The correct procedure is to use one hand to drink while raising the middle finger of the other hand in the direction of the equipment you’re using to listen to the speech, in symbolic gesture to the part-time Chancellor himself.

Mention of Coalition investment may also be worth ONE FINGER, depending on whether you think it will actually do the country any good or be just another bung for his rich buddies in private companies. That’s a judgement call depending (most probably) on how drunk you want to be at lunchtime.

At some point, Osborne will mention the size and shape of the cuts he wishes to impose on us all. Each one is worth TWO FINGERS. Raise the index and middle fingers of your spare hand in the direction of the equipment you’re using to hear the speech, as you drink the appropriate amount.

By the time he stops talking, you should be about as drunk as the other ministers had to be to let him impose these dangerous and unfounded measures on their departments.

10 thoughts on “The Boring Osborne Drinking GamE (BODGE)

  1. simmo70

    The slippery slope drags on – its open season on the British Public .Not only are the Tories incompetent but dangerous to us the Electorate .Osborne the Chancellor – he is no more than a Public Relations Stooge similar to all ministers to try to appease the Public when anything unpalatable hits the press without Government Sanction .
    Osborne personally couldn’t add a shopping list up never mind construct a budget .He dreams up a Policy aided by advisors approved by Cameron and the Civil Service juggle the figures .The overall cuts were calculated when they first got in and they are carrying them through by stages .More BS fed into the Public Domain.

    1. Ulysses

      Stop saying, or even thinking that this Government is incompetent.
      The policies they are foisting on us are doing EXACTLY what they were designed to do.

  2. Samwise Gamgee

    I’d also like to add, a mention of “something for nothing culture” is worth one finger, and each mention of “those who work hard and want to get on” is also worth the same.

    Keep track of every use of “dog whistle” style divisive rhetoric!

  3. bookmanwales

    surely the mention of “something for nothing culture” is worth two fingers likewise “those who work hard and want to get on” (become class snobs as they are then too good to be working class)

  4. Iain Duncn-Smith

    Osborne says there will be weekly signing-on for all JSA claimants. That sounds unworkable to me. Jobcentres are already nearing breaking point; I doubt they will be able to cope with this, at least without a massive recruitment drive at the JCP (so much for cutting spending eh?)

  5. Samwise Gamgee

    More on the tougher new rule for claimants of JSA, which are due to be introduced next April.

    From the BBC website:

    Jobseekers will have wait seven days before first claiming Jobseeker’s Allowance and may have to sign on every week, under new government plans.

    Chancellor George Osborne also said those claiming unemployment benefits who did not speak English would have to attend English classes.

    Jobseekers will also be required to have a CV before claiming benefits.

    I know this website isn’t solely concerned with benefits and unemployment, but I thought it might be of interest.

    1. Mike Sivier

      It IS of interest, and although this website isn’t solely concerned with benefits and unemployment, it is a large part of our business!

      I was going to do something about Osborne’s pointless speech myself – and probably will, later. But this is all good preamble.

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