The text message came in just after 7pm yesterday (Wednesday): “Your coronavirus PCR test (or other lab test) result is negative. It’s likely you did not have the virus when the test was done.”
So my lateral flow test was a false positive. What a relief – or at least, it would have been if Mrs Mike’s negative result hadn’t come in a couple of minutes earlier. So I was mentally prepared.
And it seems I’m not the only one to have a welcome surprise…
Phew. After a positive LFD in the family, PCR results have all come back negative. I'm very relieved, especially for my asthmatic children. But rates seem to be increasing in schools again now, so I don't know how long they can avoid it. I wish schools were safer environments!
— Prof Alice Roberts💙 (@theAliceRoberts) November 24, 2021
In fact the greatest relief was the fact that I don’t have to put up with texts, emails and phone calls from various Covid-related government organisations.
Oh, the bureaucracy!
I had seven texts from ‘NHSresult’ and three from ‘NHSWALESTTP’ (the track and trace mob).
I also had a phone call from track and trace, who stopped being interested when I started listing people I’d met and places I’d been, and opted to email me a questionnaire instead.
The instructions with the LFT kit said I had to notify the NHS online, so I logged in and went through a lengthy process to identify myself and provide my test result. Then the site told me to order a PCR test for myself and anybody else, meaning I then had to go through the same lengthy identification procedure I’d just been through, plus a new lengthy ID process so I could get a test for Mrs Mike as well.
I then received a further nine emails telling me what to do, what not to do, and where not to do it.
And I had to go online again to fill in that contact tracing questionnaire.
If I’d really had the virus, I wonder whether I would have been up to any of it.
But I don’t have the virus. Or at least, I don’t have that virus.
I do have something, it seems. Don’t know what but the symptoms are persisting.
So, while I don’t have to self-isolate any more (thank goodness!) I’ll be cooling the social life for a while – especially after what I heard about what people who really do have Covid-19 have been doing.
After all, if I don’t have Covid now, I can still catch it any time.
Next time I go to the pub, you’ll know who I am. I’ll be the one wearing two masks, with a cover over his pint, sucking it up through a straw.
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