Ukip leader Paul Nuttall, rallying the troops [Image: Ray Tang/Rex/Shutterstock].

“How does one deal with being buttonholed by a far right party’s canvasser (or indeed any crushing bore) in the street? Wind them up…

“Feign surprise; then delight. Usher them in to a shop doorway, and start whispering conspiratorially. Say, “It is so hard to find Aryan recruits. THEY control the media. It is time we did something about THEM. My unit will be mobilising tonight and have drawn up lists of all of THEM in …the area. You must join the Order, swear the blood vow and help us purify the Motherland tonight?”

“Shake a lot and keep looking up and down the street. If they start to protest silence them with a theatrical gesture and say something like “we have no time for race traitors or cowards!” and mimic slitting your throat. If they agreed do a passionate Hitlergruß and yell SIEG HEIL! loudly enough to get the whole street’s attention. Then walk off whistling cheerfully and go shopping.”

For some reason I immediately thought of Paul Nuttall and his attempt to win Stoke-on-Trent Central for UKIP.

May I encourage anybody approached by Kippers on the street or the doorstep to consider the above course of action?

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