It’s going to be known as the ‘Carrot and the dick’ speech forever, because our excuse for a UK foreign secretary – Boris ‘the Piffle’ Johnson – misheard a question and tried to make good on his mistake.
Asked, “Foreign Secretary, what do you say to those people who say, yet another speech on Brexit… but where is the clarity?” Mr Johnson replied: “The carrot?”
“’Clarity.’ OK – God, carrot. Carrot…
“Well, as I say, I think you have an abundance of clarity in the Prime Minister’s Lancaster House speech [from January 2017]… What I’m trying to address is a feeling that I pick up talking to people that they’re not getting the message, the positive agenda. I think there is a great positive agenda and we need to get out there and explain it.”
Then he went adrift: “And it can be good for carrots too, by the way! All right. You didn’t actually mention carrots, but…
“We can take back control of our agricultural policies, and it may be that we can do wonderful things with, you know, our own regulations to… you know… Promote organic carrots.”
Promote organic carrots? That‘s what Brexit is about?
Ye gods and little fishes… Actually, we’d better not give him a chance to get started on them as well.
Labour’s verdict on Mr Johnson’s Policy Exchange Brexit speech was delivered by Keir Starmer:
“This speech underlined the Government’s real intentions; a Brexit of deregulation, where rights and protections are casually cast aside and where the benefits of the Single Market and the Customs Union are ignored.
“Nobody will be fooled or reassured by the Foreign Secretary’s empty rhetoric. His insistence on deregulating our economy is the opposite of what businesses and trade unions want to hear.
“Instead of building the consensus we need, the Government’s approach will only further divide the country and put jobs, rights and living standards at risk.”
But the best responses came from the public:
Boris Johnson is calling for the nation to come together.
Johnson, who betrayed his friend David Cameron for a cause he didn't believe in, in order to try and steal that friend's job.
Johnson, who was betrayed in kind by his own friend Gove, for the exact same reason.
— We Need EU 🇪🇺 👊 🇪🇺 (@WeNeedEU) February 14, 2018
He’s often guilty of winging it but when it comes to ‘betrayal’ Boris Johnson’s credentials are impeccable.
Just ask all his wives, mistresses, bosses and party leaders.
— James O'Brien (@mrjamesob) February 14, 2018
Glad I didn't bother with Johnson's speech. If you didn't catch it this is what you missed: Bullshit at the start, bullshit throughout and a huge slice of bullshit at the end. The man is a charmless, vacuous, toxic imbecile that's out of his depth in a puddle of gnat wee.
— Rachael Swindon (@Rachael_Swindon) February 14, 2018
Boris Johnson managed to squeeze the words 'irenic', 'spitzenkandidaten', 'murrain', 'justiciable' into his speech. But while he was obfuscating loquaciously, he left us no clearer on resolving the intractable problems of #Brexit: the economy, citizen's rights, the Irish border..
— Theresa Griffin (@TheresaEurope) February 14, 2018
Boris Johnson: “Most people have very little understanding of what the EU does. Which is how we managed to convince them to Vote Leave”.
— David Schneider (@davidschneider) February 14, 2018
Boris Johnson blames EU for "suppression of wages." It wasn't the EU that froze the wages of nurses and other public sector workers for years. It was his own Government.
— Briefcase Michael (@BriefcaseMike) February 14, 2018
Boris Johnson: "There is no sensible reason why we would not continue to retire to countries like Spain."
THAT IS A FREE MOVEMENT PERK! It would require a visa post Brexit!
— Femi (@Femi_Sorry) February 14, 2018
Boris Johnson Speech: lukewarm applause.
No real clarity, no mention of N Ireland, doubt business & industry will have gained the clarity they seek.
Gdn ‘Do you think it was a mistake to call Remainers saboteurs?
Boris J: Who said that?
— MagsNews (@MagsNews) February 14, 2018
Boris Johnson trying to unite the country over #Brexit is like Arsene Wenger trying to unite Arsenal and Spurs fans to the idea of a joint London United Football Club playing all its games outside of Europe
— Clive Peedell (@cpeedell) February 14, 2018
Boris Johnson pretending to bridge the gap between Brexiteers and Remainers is just further evidence of his snidey self-serving nature. He's spent decades spreading lies about the EU and xenophobia – sewing seeds of division and hate. #Newsnight
— Will Black (@WillBlackWriter) February 13, 2018
Boris de Piffle Johnson is a Poundshop Jacob Rees-Mogg. He's fighting to stay in the Tory race
— Kevin Maguire (@Kevin_Maguire) February 14, 2018
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