Boris Johnson’s demand for his own plane should have been greeted with a simple, three-letter answer: UFO
“You want me to step this way?”
“Yes, Mr Johnson.”
“Where’s my parachute?”
“Unnecessary, Mr Johnson. Honest!”
I can imagine the explanatory letter now.
“Dear Mr Johnson, we note your demand for an official plane because the model currently used by senior members of the government and the Royal Family never seems to be available… and because of its unfortunate colour.
“May we take this opportunity to explain that, when we responded in the vernacular with “UFO”, we were not referring to “You [people at the] foreign office” – or to the possibility of you enjoying the services of a commandeered “Unidentified Flying Object” (should such a thing exist).
“Au contraire, we were simply responding with a common vulgarity of the kind we believe may be familiar to you from your much-publicised romantic entanglements. If not, it should be.
“With regards,
“Britain.”
Boris Johnson is under fire after calling for his own “Brexit plane” to help him drum up trade around the world when the UK leaves the EU.
An existing RAF Voyager jet – which is shared by the prime minister, senior cabinet members and the royal family – “never seems to be available,” the foreign secretary protested.
The Voyager’s drab grey colours also undermined Britain’s reputation when the country needed a powerful “flagship”, Mr Johnson said.
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Give him one and send him to the US with fuel to get him half way
Dear mr Johnson, we cannot get you a plane however we have found a hot air balloon for you, why it is environmentally friendly, does not require fuel and runs on hot air, it has been specifically designed for ministers that talk rubbish and give out false promises, how does it work, simple you attach a blowing device to said minister and when a hot air moment comes along they start breathing into this, result instant lift as a considerable amount of the current lot blow hot air on a regular basis, the saving is recognisable, you would no longer need ministerial cars, a simple balloon and a hot air device powered, you could even attach a uk flag just like you did when you zipwired flying the flag, blowing hot air and saving the environment, awesome!!!
give him a bike with a balloon attached a and tube connected via a oxygen mask on the face to supply the hot air, two birds with one stone flying self-powered transport and he can cycle anywhere, not sure about sea landings could always wear a flotation device