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Many a true word in jest: Boris Johnson is now in hospital with the coronavirus – if he really did lick all the envelopes (impossible) he could have infected millions more.

Guess what flopped through my letterbox yesterday!

Boris Johnson’s £5.8 million letter, updating us all on what we need to do about the coronavirus!

It was only an entire week late.

The envelope itself was bitterly amusing, before I got anywhere near the contents:

This is a vital update from the Government about Coronavirus”


Doesn’t that just tell us everything we need to know about the Tories’ lackadaisical attitude to this crisis – that a “vital update” took seven days to arrive?

No wonder there are no PPE (personal protective equipment) or ventilators!

I skimmed through it.

Paragraph one: flannel.

Paragraph two: flannel.

Paragraph three: flannel.

Paragraph four: “If too many people become seriously unwell at one time, the NHS will be unable to cope. This will cost lives. We must slow the spread of the disease, and reduce the number of people needing hospital treatment in order to save as many lives as possible.” An admission that the Tories have starved the NHS to a point where the slightest extra exertion could overwhelm it completely.

And it’s also an admission that the “herd immunity” idea that Johnson originally championed was utterly, imbecilically stupid. The contagion would have hit the NHS like a tidal wave – swept it away.

Paragraph five: an instruction! “You must stay at home.” I knew that!

Somebody gave me the very same instruction, something like two weeks ago. It was Boris Johnson!

Well, he did turn out to have the coronavirus himself. Perhaps it affected his memory.

Paragraph six: “Do not pass go. Do not collect £200. Go straight to jail.” Well, nearly. We’ve certainly had this instruction many times between the day this letter was announced (when was that? Back in the mists of time) and the day it turned up.

Paragraph seven: More instructions that we’ve all seen on TV, down the shops… everywhere.

Paragraph eight: You’ll be fined if you don’t comply. I suppose some people might have known that.

I’m now at the bottom of the page, and so bored that I don’t know if I can be bothered to turn over. So this letter could be very dangerous.

Suppose there’s really important information overleaf that everybody needs to take in – but nobody bothers to read it because everything on the first page has been drummed into us so mercilessly.

Who’s going to read it?

(Bet you just looked!)

(If you’ve received it, that is…)

Have YOU donated to my crowdfunding appeal, raising funds to fight false libel claims by TV celebrities who should know better? These court cases cost a lot of money so every penny will help ensure that wealth doesn’t beat justice.


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