With Kemikaze and Honest Bob it's time to make fun of the Tories again

With Kemikaze and Honest Bob it’s time to make fun of the Tories again

We’re not turning the clock back to 1997 but with Kemikaze and Honest Bob it’s time to make fun of the Tories again.

Responses to the Conservative Party’s train crash of a leadership contest have varied from wild hilarity to appalled horror, with most breathing a sigh of relief that they’re going to be irrelevant for at least a little while.

And in the meantime we can give silly nicknames to the party’s future big beasts, safe in the knowledge that public disinterest will tame them (for the time being).

So, after defeating Jimmy Dimly, the battle is now between Honest Bob and Kemikaze, and the best guess as to how they got here is that the “‘most sophisticated electorate in the world’ (TM) had a collective brain-fart.”

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If we took that as being literally true, then it would have been one of the longest-lasting farts in natural history, starting in 2016 when Theresa May was elected as Tory leader and filling the Tory benches in the House of Commons with so much gas it’s no wonder they lost touch with public opinion; most of them were just trying to stay alive.

You can plot the Tory demise like the fall of dominos: May failed over Brexit, ushering in Boris Johnson as leader; Johnson’s extremism upset a rump of what might once have been called mainstream Tories – so he expelled them; Johnson managed to get a quarter of a million of us killed by Covid and partied on while he was doing it, so he had to go; the wider party membership elected Liz Truss as leader, demonstrating that the malaise was not restricted to the Green Benches; she and her Britannia Unchained colleague Kwasi Kwarteng managed to unchain the UK into an economic disaster within days of taking office, so she had to go; and then Rishi Rich navigated his party into a steaming cesspit of its own corruption and incompetence.

All the sanity has departed the Tory Party – mostly for the history books; any of them who migrated to other parties (Ann Widdicombe? Lee Anderson?) have made themselves look even more lunatic than their former colleagues.

And that’s saying something. As John Crace puts it in his article: “If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck then it’s probably a duck. So the reason the Tory MPs did something seemingly deranged is because they are deranged.”

But he does hold out a sprig of hope to the Party of the Demented, suggesting that they think, “It’s not the Tories that need to change, it’s the voters.”

Changing voters is what politicians do.

Public opinion is almost always led by political kite-flyers. Look at how politicians persuaded the easily-led into thinking the EU/immigrant workers/sick and disabled benefit claimants were the enemy over the last 10-14 years or so.

The dilemma for Honest Bob or Kemikaze (you know those names are going to stick) is that all the low-hanging fruit has already been plucked. If they want to rally the nation against a common foe, it’ll be a pretty exotic one.

The current choice – trying to make us turn our backs on our own human rights – is, once again, deranged. Why would we possibly want to get rid of a system that, all right, might protect Johnny Foreigner from harm but protects the rest of us as well?

And we know that Tories like Honest Bob and Kemikaze would not stop at Johnny Foreigner. They get their jollies from harming other people and if we give them a chance to attack us, they’re going to take it. Ask people who’ve tried to claim sickness and/or disability benefits under Tory rule!

So let’s be glad they’re out of power and will be staying out as long as Honest Bob and Kemikaze are the best they can put in front of us.

And while they’re struggling to say anything worth hearing, let’s keep reminding the public of the 14 years-worth of reasons why the Tories should never be taken seriously again.

Source: ‘It’s great to be here’: watching the Tories turning farce into annihilation


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