It’s the season for fairy tales and pantomimes so picture the scene: Once upon a time, the UK’s evil stepmother Theresa May was admiring herself in the mirror.
“Mirror, mirror on the wall,” she gurgled in the half-strangled voice we know so well (unfortunately), “who’s the stupidest of them all?”
“Dominic Raab,” the mirror replied without hesitation.
“What?” Mrs May was taken aback- and not by the fact that she was having a conversation with a piece of furniture (draw your own conclusions). “Not the 200 Tory MPs who supported my leadership when they could have got out of the Brexit mess I’ve created by electing a new boss?”
“He could have been one of them, too,” said the mirror. “And I don’t mean his gaff about the Dover-Calais crossing, either. Haven’t you seen his tweet about wages rising faster than they have in years?”
Here it is:
ONS data showing real wages rising at fastest rate in 10 years … is good news for working Britain. pic.twitter.com/EqWJ3qKG9Y
— Dominic Raab (@DominicRaab) December 12, 2018
“That’s brilliant news!” said Mrs May. “Although being a staunch neoliberal I can’t take any of the credit for it – market forces and all that.”
“Oh?” said the mirror, trying to arch an eyebrow until it realised it didn’t have any. “You think it’s a public relations triumph that he’s going around admitting that wages have fallen drastically under the Conservatives and have never been as high as they were under Gordon Brown? The social media have been having a field day!”
Indeed. Take a look:
Dominic appears to have accidentally pointed out that under a Tory Government, average wages are no better than they were 8 years ago! Time for them to stand aside and let @UKLabour govern #ForTheMany ! https://t.co/CFV39Wm22m
— Chris Ruane MP (@ChrisRuane2017) December 12, 2018
Imagine sharing a graph showing that workers are still significantly poorer than they were a decade ago as some sort of victory https://t.co/7HI0UB8799
— Owen Jones🌹 (@OwenJones84) December 13, 2018
— Jonathan Portes (@jdportes) December 12, 2018
Comrade Raab campaigning for @UKLabour by demonstrating that real wages are significantly lower than when his calamitous Tory party came to office. What an absolute plonker this guy is #Strewth🤦♂️😂😂😂 https://t.co/uUzXMBdeDb
— The Agitator (@UKDemockery) December 13, 2018
From the people who brought you “Britain Is An Island??!”, we present “What Do You Mean That Graph Shows We’re Shit?!” https://t.co/qGyXuvJsMM
— David Schneider (@davidschneider) December 13, 2018
“And you might like to read Sue Jones’s article on this, which shows that this rough average doesn’t provide any information about the real situation for working people, whose pay rises depend on how long they’ve been in a job, where they live, whether they’re in the public sector or the private sector – I could go on all day.”
“Oh bugger,” said Mrs May.
But she was still prime minister, so nobody lived happily ever after.
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