Johnson’s ‘vital update’ about coronavirus has turned up. It’s old news

Many a true word in jest: Boris Johnson is now in hospital with the coronavirus – if he really did lick all the envelopes (impossible) he could have infected millions more.

Guess what flopped through my letterbox yesterday!

Boris Johnson’s £5.8 million letter, updating us all on what we need to do about the coronavirus!

It was only an entire week late.

The envelope itself was bitterly amusing, before I got anywhere near the contents:

This is a vital update from the Government about Coronavirus”


Doesn’t that just tell us everything we need to know about the Tories’ lackadaisical attitude to this crisis – that a “vital update” took seven days to arrive?

No wonder there are no PPE (personal protective equipment) or ventilators!

I skimmed through it.

Paragraph one: flannel.

Paragraph two: flannel.

Paragraph three: flannel.

Paragraph four: “If too many people become seriously unwell at one time, the NHS will be unable to cope. This will cost lives. We must slow the spread of the disease, and reduce the number of people needing hospital treatment in order to save as many lives as possible.” An admission that the Tories have starved the NHS to a point where the slightest extra exertion could overwhelm it completely.

And it’s also an admission that the “herd immunity” idea that Johnson originally championed was utterly, imbecilically stupid. The contagion would have hit the NHS like a tidal wave – swept it away.

Paragraph five: an instruction! “You must stay at home.” I knew that!

Somebody gave me the very same instruction, something like two weeks ago. It was Boris Johnson!

Well, he did turn out to have the coronavirus himself. Perhaps it affected his memory.

Paragraph six: “Do not pass go. Do not collect £200. Go straight to jail.” Well, nearly. We’ve certainly had this instruction many times between the day this letter was announced (when was that? Back in the mists of time) and the day it turned up.

Paragraph seven: More instructions that we’ve all seen on TV, down the shops… everywhere.

Paragraph eight: You’ll be fined if you don’t comply. I suppose some people might have known that.

I’m now at the bottom of the page, and so bored that I don’t know if I can be bothered to turn over. So this letter could be very dangerous.

Suppose there’s really important information overleaf that everybody needs to take in – but nobody bothers to read it because everything on the first page has been drummed into us so mercilessly.

Who’s going to read it?

(Bet you just looked!)

(If you’ve received it, that is…)

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11 thoughts on “Johnson’s ‘vital update’ about coronavirus has turned up. It’s old news

  1. Florence

    I haven’t got my letter, yet strangely not at all envious. It may be stuck in the pile of decontaminating mail. (Yawn.)
    As I contemplate the situation I vaguely wonder if I am alone in feeling a little schadenfreude at the plight of Johnson who broke Britain with Brexit and killed many tens of thousands with Austerity, and probably killed yet more thousands with Cummings’ bizarre eugenics-driven herd immunity, with a lockdown that will undoubtedly cost womens lives as DV escalates, and others (like myself) face the death sentence through denial of treatment should we contract the virus, so he could be king of the world?
    I also wonder how I have come to be callous, against what I truly believe in, that every human has a right to life, dignity etc. Then I see that my right to care and support, life and dignity has also been snatched away in the massive power grab of emergency legislation. I’m sorry but I can no longer feel any human empathy for that man, because he’s a monster.

  2. hugosmum70

    I havent received that one any more than ive recieved that letter entitling me to food boxes……..same as a boat load of others………

  3. Aelfy

    How’s the paper of said letter? thanks to being unable to get a delivery slot on all the main online supermarkets for the last month. I am dangerously low on TP.

    1. Mike Sivier Post author

      It’s not very absorbent by the look of it, and I think it might be unkind to the skin

  4. Tony Dean

    I am more worried about vulnerable people who have not had the isolate for 12 weeks letter. (Personally I have had two one from my GP practice and one from the NHS.)
    From contact with other vulnerable people I know thay have not had any such letters.
    I also think that 1.5 milliion vulnerable people is well below the reality.

  5. kateuk

    Not had the letter yet but it will go the same way as all the other Tory campaign material, into the recycle bin.

  6. J Edingtonj

    Yip. Got mine this morning. What a waste of our money. Good to know that I can go to work after dropping the kids off at school though (if I had any).

    Scotland lost their Chief Medical Officer yesterday for sheer stupidity. Taking her family in their own car, straight door-to-door between their own properties, socially distancing while there. I’m not making excuses for her. She had to go, unfortunately, since she is rather good otherwise.

    Comparing that with what has been going on with Boris & Co, if they all acted as ethically, would there be any cabinet left to run the UK?

  7. Jill Darbyshire

    I’ve had no letters. I have ME that attacks my lungs, I have hay fever and have no adanoids which means the pollen etc hit the back of my throat and I have asthma but not too back usually, although anxiety can make it worse, but no letters. I am lucky in one respect though. We live in the country in Wales, have lots of space to walk out without meeting anyone, so can take the dogs walking, and we live in out own valley of trees. I get to feed and watch the birds and also the wildlife around here, so isolation for me is a doddle, except I have to go shopping because we can’t get deliveries from any supermarkets where we are. Oh well, most of it is better than nothing.

Comments are closed.