‘Properly vetted’ ferry firm took its terms from a takeaway website. Are you laughing yet?

Ramsgate ferry terminal: The Seaborne contract requires the waters surrounding it to be dredged – who’s paying for that, then?

The Conservative government has often been accused of making up its policies on the back of a cigarette packet so perhaps it’s no surprise that the ferry-free freight company hired to provide a service following a “no deal” Brexit seems to have cut-and-pasted its terms and conditions from a takeaway website.

Seaborne Freight was awarded a £13.8 million contract to ease the pressure on Dover when Britain pulls out of the EU – despite never having run a Channel service.

Transport secretary Chris Grayling insisted the company had been properly vetted before being chosen, but now we find the terms and conditions on its website appeared to have been lifted from a takeaway delivery service.

The ‘placing an order’ section stated that “it is the responsibility of the customer to ensure delivery address details are correct and detailed enough for the delivery driver to locate the address in adequate time.

“You must always provide a valid contact number and email when ordering online. Please provide additional delivery instructions in the relevant section on our checkout page. In the event that your address cannot be found, undelivered orders will be chargeable.”

I hope you’re laughing. This is very funny indeed, especially if you don’t like the Tories and their corrupt little deals. And of course, you’re paying for it so you might as well have a giggle.

And The New European has found other incongruities:

  • Its log-in portal redirects directly to Google’s home page;
  • Neither of the listed phone numbers appear to be manned, with both stating ‘there is no one available to take your call’ and offering no chance to leave a message;
  • Other features, such as language settings, are only for show and cannot be clicked; and
  • Despite Mr Grayling saying they are on track to run services from April, the firm’s recruitment page is currently empty.

The (apparently borrowed?) terms and conditions appear to have been changed but can still be seen via online archiving services.

This is turning into a big – and frankly hilarious – scandal at exactly the time the Tories least wanted it; right before the big Parliamentary vote on Theresa May’s so-called Brexit “deal”.

Perhaps Seaborne should have adopted a well-known advertising slogan from someone else, too:

“Providing a nonexistent ferry service if there’s a no-deal Brexit – £13.8 million; humiliating ourselves and the corrupt Tories – priceless.”

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5 thoughts on “‘Properly vetted’ ferry firm took its terms from a takeaway website. Are you laughing yet?

  1. Dez

    Needs following up in great detail to ascertain where the bidding and acceptance favours were originally created from and more important all the names. Might even be just a local government scam to kick start this redundant port by having the expensive but necessary port entry/exit dredging done on the back of the Brexit fall back arrangements. The previous ferries were special shallow drafted because of the silting at this harbour. Government states nothing going to be actually paid until the service is commenced… again little bit more digging needed here to get to the truth of just what money has been paid out to date or promised in some crazy contract. Someone has to protect tax payers money being lost by civil servants making real life decisions based on potential scam. Grayling is full of wind and words and not to be trusted. The media will protect him however.

    1. Mike Sivier Post author

      I wonder, at whom was this insult aimed? Shame there’s no explanation of the reasoning behind it. Still, at least she self-censored, which saved me an editing job.

  2. Pat Sheehan

    Let’s not judge them too harshly! How typically thoughtful and compassionate of the torys to consider that the jobless and homeless would still need their ‘takeaways’, delivered by ferry from our close ‘friends’ and ‘partners’ in Europe after brexit: even though staring at blank screens as food banks close their shutters. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if Ian Duncan Thingy and Esther McWhatsit are somehow involved in this slick, humanitarian armada project: it has the mark of the ‘beasts’.
    Fiscal expertise and smooth governance might not be the tory forte but when it comes to the ‘entertainment’ side of things you have to take your hat off: for when those screens go blank we sure are going to need some ‘entertaining’! And takeaways!

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